Really Seeing
Today was my first day off of work. (I may have to come in and work a few hours next Monday to make my insurance good for the month of December, but really who's counting that?) It was a really odd feeling to be home and it wasn't because I was sick or had a doctor's appointment. I kept feeling like a kid who was home playing hookie. I would drink my coffee and read and honestly have the thought, "I'm supposed to be home sick. I should lie down." Ridiculous I know. Instead of feeling like this is my life now, it felt almost like I was cheating the system somehow. All of the oddness aside, it was also a really beautiful day of spending time with the Lord, resting, and working around the house without time restraints. I was genuinely free to do what I wanted as I saw fit. I can say that was a great experience and one I am looking forward to repeating.
I had to go to the doctor today. On the way home, I stopped at Walmart and did some shopping for some items needed before the baby comes. I was walking through Walmart with a list, but also meandering to make sure that I didn't forget anything. As I walked, I noticed something that I never really had before: People don't really look at people. I noticed a woman walking towards me. We were probably 10 feet apart from each other and the only people around that would be crossing paths. I looked at her face and noticed her look at my 9 months pregnant belly, then briefly her eyes made contact with mine. I smiled. She smiled. She then quickly looked at the ground and then started looking around nervously. Something in my heart went out to her and I kept looking at her, willing her to make eye contact with me again. She kept her eyes firmly fixed on the ground and area to the left of me. As I continued to walk through the store, I noticed more and more people doing that same thing. They might briefly notice a person, but it was more in such a way as the person was an obstacle to the next thing they were trying to do. I found myself even doing it the busier that I got. After walking through the whole store noticing this, at the check out I found myself not looking my cashier in the face, but rather kind of glancing over her in my effort to hurry up and get out the door.
As silly as it might sound, this little experience at Walmart has really got me thinking. I think about the Scripture and how many times it said that Jesus saw the crowd and had compassion on them. He would then heal all their sick or feed the whole crowd, and it all started because He saw them. I've also just been reading in Exodus about when Israel is getting ready to leave Egypt. It all started because it said "God saw the people of Israel - and God knew. (Exodus 2:25 ESV) He saw their oppression and He knew. I'm just amazed with this idea of a God who has so much to see and could be looking at anything, but He looks at the broken. He really sees.
Then I think about those people in Walmart yesterday. They were so consumed with getting from point A to point B, with checking items off their to-do list, with their own life. They almost seemed desperate not to see anything that would take them off their course. Yet I wondered how many of these same people had a Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter account. I wondered how many of them had just posted something about running to Walmart or updated their status to show they were there. I wondered how many of them had taken a selfie today. I wondered how many of them would post a vague status about pushing through the pain or wearing a smile and then eagerly wait for their phone to chime to tell them someone commented on the status. Maybe someone would ask them what was going on. I wondered about a culture that is so desperate not to see, but so desperate to be seen.
Heidi Baker is a speaker that I love. She often says that love looks like something. After my experience at the store today I really wonder if love looks like seeing something when you would rather look away. When the world tries to hide the ugly, broken, hurting parts and you don't pretend you didn't see it, could that be love? Could love really look like asking someone the simple question, "How are you really?" and then taking the time to hear the answer? Could love look like talking to a lonely stranger in aisle of Walmart? It may seem trite, or like something that's been said a million times, but these are questions I'm asking myself. All I know is that I want to be like Jesus, and Jesus looks at the broken. He really sees.
I had to go to the doctor today. On the way home, I stopped at Walmart and did some shopping for some items needed before the baby comes. I was walking through Walmart with a list, but also meandering to make sure that I didn't forget anything. As I walked, I noticed something that I never really had before: People don't really look at people. I noticed a woman walking towards me. We were probably 10 feet apart from each other and the only people around that would be crossing paths. I looked at her face and noticed her look at my 9 months pregnant belly, then briefly her eyes made contact with mine. I smiled. She smiled. She then quickly looked at the ground and then started looking around nervously. Something in my heart went out to her and I kept looking at her, willing her to make eye contact with me again. She kept her eyes firmly fixed on the ground and area to the left of me. As I continued to walk through the store, I noticed more and more people doing that same thing. They might briefly notice a person, but it was more in such a way as the person was an obstacle to the next thing they were trying to do. I found myself even doing it the busier that I got. After walking through the whole store noticing this, at the check out I found myself not looking my cashier in the face, but rather kind of glancing over her in my effort to hurry up and get out the door.
As silly as it might sound, this little experience at Walmart has really got me thinking. I think about the Scripture and how many times it said that Jesus saw the crowd and had compassion on them. He would then heal all their sick or feed the whole crowd, and it all started because He saw them. I've also just been reading in Exodus about when Israel is getting ready to leave Egypt. It all started because it said "God saw the people of Israel - and God knew. (Exodus 2:25 ESV) He saw their oppression and He knew. I'm just amazed with this idea of a God who has so much to see and could be looking at anything, but He looks at the broken. He really sees.
Then I think about those people in Walmart yesterday. They were so consumed with getting from point A to point B, with checking items off their to-do list, with their own life. They almost seemed desperate not to see anything that would take them off their course. Yet I wondered how many of these same people had a Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter account. I wondered how many of them had just posted something about running to Walmart or updated their status to show they were there. I wondered how many of them had taken a selfie today. I wondered how many of them would post a vague status about pushing through the pain or wearing a smile and then eagerly wait for their phone to chime to tell them someone commented on the status. Maybe someone would ask them what was going on. I wondered about a culture that is so desperate not to see, but so desperate to be seen.
Heidi Baker is a speaker that I love. She often says that love looks like something. After my experience at the store today I really wonder if love looks like seeing something when you would rather look away. When the world tries to hide the ugly, broken, hurting parts and you don't pretend you didn't see it, could that be love? Could love really look like asking someone the simple question, "How are you really?" and then taking the time to hear the answer? Could love look like talking to a lonely stranger in aisle of Walmart? It may seem trite, or like something that's been said a million times, but these are questions I'm asking myself. All I know is that I want to be like Jesus, and Jesus looks at the broken. He really sees.
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