Zion
On December 4th at almost 3 in the morning, my son Zion was born.
I went in to the doctor for a check up on Monday December 1st. My blood pressure was very elevated and my feet were incredibly swollen. My doctor advised that I needed to be induced at this point. She monitored me and told me to come back tomorrow night to start the induction process. I went back into the hospital Tuesday night around 9 pm. They started medication to soften my cervix. The next morning, they started a pitocin drip at 6 am. At 8 am, my doctor came in and broke my water. The contractions picked up quite a bit at that point. Shortly after that, I started throwing up. I spent the next few hours sitting on the edge of the bed bear hugging a trash can alternating between heaving and actually puking. It went on this way for almost 4 hours. They checked me at noon, and I had only progressed to about 4 on being dilated. At that point I decided to get an epidural because I was so exhausted and not progressing very far. I got it, but I never got completely numb. Every time they went to move me or check up, I was throwing up. The whole day went on like that - throwing up, in intense pain even with an epidural and not progressing. At 11 pm, my doctor came in and said that if I wanted to try to wait another hour to see if I progressed any further, then we could, or if I was done we could do a c section. She told me that given his position and size, pushing would be a long and hard process and I still had to progress 3 more centimeters to get to where I could even push. We asked everyone to leave the room so we could talk about it. As soon as everyone walked out, I started vomitting violently again. We decided to go ahead with the c section, given the full day of labor and throwing up that I had just went through and all that I would still have to go through. Joey went to tell them that we wanted the c section. He came back in and said, "Well there is good news and bad news. Bad news is there are 2 other people in front of you for a c section tonight so it's going to be at least an hour and a half before you can get in there. The good news is that you will get to go for the next hour and see if you progress." After 2 and half more hours of labor, I still hadn't progressed and it was finally time for the c section. They did a spinal block because the epidural was completely gone at that point. After all of that, Zion came in the wee hours of that morning, screaming and crying his way into our hearts. We had 4 days in the hospital that were really rough between recovering from the c section and Zion loosing a lot of weight and having jaundice. We are home now though and leading what I believe would be considered a pretty normal life with a 3 week old (lots of breast feeding and diaper changing - not a lot of sleeping.)
Now three weeks later, I look back on that day and it seems like such a long time ago in some ways. I was looking at the pictures of the day of his birth last night, and was struck by how much he had changed in just 3 weeks. Being a mother is the hardest and most trying thing I've ever done. Being a mother means living in a perpetual state of contradiction. I am continually exhausted, yet the thought of someone else watching him so I can sleep isn't welcomed either. I don't want to give up any time with him, yet I would love to be able to do anything without thinking, "Will this take longer than 2 hours? Can I go there and breast feed easily?" I want to be able to do my dishes or sleep normally, but then he falls asleep on my chest and the thought of putting him down to sleep or do something normal makes me feel heartsick. I don't want to miss a moment. I'm torn between the desire for some of what my life used to be, while at the same time wanting to throw everything away and just hold my baby.
A few weeks before I had Zion, I was talking to the Lord about finishing the season before Zion was born well. One of the things He told me in that time was that it will require more when I think I have less. If I could explain my experience with pregnancy, labor, delivery and my short time of motherhood it would be that phrase - it requires more when you think you have less.
I went in to the doctor for a check up on Monday December 1st. My blood pressure was very elevated and my feet were incredibly swollen. My doctor advised that I needed to be induced at this point. She monitored me and told me to come back tomorrow night to start the induction process. I went back into the hospital Tuesday night around 9 pm. They started medication to soften my cervix. The next morning, they started a pitocin drip at 6 am. At 8 am, my doctor came in and broke my water. The contractions picked up quite a bit at that point. Shortly after that, I started throwing up. I spent the next few hours sitting on the edge of the bed bear hugging a trash can alternating between heaving and actually puking. It went on this way for almost 4 hours. They checked me at noon, and I had only progressed to about 4 on being dilated. At that point I decided to get an epidural because I was so exhausted and not progressing very far. I got it, but I never got completely numb. Every time they went to move me or check up, I was throwing up. The whole day went on like that - throwing up, in intense pain even with an epidural and not progressing. At 11 pm, my doctor came in and said that if I wanted to try to wait another hour to see if I progressed any further, then we could, or if I was done we could do a c section. She told me that given his position and size, pushing would be a long and hard process and I still had to progress 3 more centimeters to get to where I could even push. We asked everyone to leave the room so we could talk about it. As soon as everyone walked out, I started vomitting violently again. We decided to go ahead with the c section, given the full day of labor and throwing up that I had just went through and all that I would still have to go through. Joey went to tell them that we wanted the c section. He came back in and said, "Well there is good news and bad news. Bad news is there are 2 other people in front of you for a c section tonight so it's going to be at least an hour and a half before you can get in there. The good news is that you will get to go for the next hour and see if you progress." After 2 and half more hours of labor, I still hadn't progressed and it was finally time for the c section. They did a spinal block because the epidural was completely gone at that point. After all of that, Zion came in the wee hours of that morning, screaming and crying his way into our hearts. We had 4 days in the hospital that were really rough between recovering from the c section and Zion loosing a lot of weight and having jaundice. We are home now though and leading what I believe would be considered a pretty normal life with a 3 week old (lots of breast feeding and diaper changing - not a lot of sleeping.)
Now three weeks later, I look back on that day and it seems like such a long time ago in some ways. I was looking at the pictures of the day of his birth last night, and was struck by how much he had changed in just 3 weeks. Being a mother is the hardest and most trying thing I've ever done. Being a mother means living in a perpetual state of contradiction. I am continually exhausted, yet the thought of someone else watching him so I can sleep isn't welcomed either. I don't want to give up any time with him, yet I would love to be able to do anything without thinking, "Will this take longer than 2 hours? Can I go there and breast feed easily?" I want to be able to do my dishes or sleep normally, but then he falls asleep on my chest and the thought of putting him down to sleep or do something normal makes me feel heartsick. I don't want to miss a moment. I'm torn between the desire for some of what my life used to be, while at the same time wanting to throw everything away and just hold my baby.
A few weeks before I had Zion, I was talking to the Lord about finishing the season before Zion was born well. One of the things He told me in that time was that it will require more when I think I have less. If I could explain my experience with pregnancy, labor, delivery and my short time of motherhood it would be that phrase - it requires more when you think you have less.
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