Dear Childless Working Mariah

Dear Childless Working Mariah,

I remember you. You wake up pretty much when you want. You eat pretty much what you want. You have your days pretty well scheduled out in beautiful organizers that you spent hours looking at to decide the perfect one. You have money to spend on random stuff like coffee cups and kitchen accessories. You are married, but you really aren’t tethered to anything. You are so free.  

Yet I know that there’s this dream growing inside your heart, despite yourself. You know you have a great life and sometimes you think you would prefer if things really stayed the way they are. But then you dream about a baby boy, with bright blue eyes and white blond hair and something inside of you yearns. It yearns not just for a child, but for a family. To have your own unit. Your own traditions. You don’t know what it would all look like, but you are beginning to want to find out. 

I just wanted to write you this letter to let you know that I had a couple days lately that you’ve been dreaming about. I got my hair cut at a friend’s house and then afterwards another friend came over, and we all sat at the kitchen table and drank coffee and talked while our kids played in the living room. The next day I took my boys to a petting zoo at our local 4H center, which they both loved. Then we met up with more friends at the park and all of the kids played while we enjoyed the outdoors and talked. Then we got ice cream and came home. It was basically the stay at home mom dream.

If I could come talk to you in person, Childless Working Mariah, I would tell you to grab us come coffees, hop in my car that is covered with toys and trash, and take a drive with me. I would drive you to my house. You won’t believe where it is and how much you love it. Then I would just take you driving around so we could talk. I would just love to hold your hands and look into your eyes and tell you that what you are dreaming of isn’t the whole story. 

When you dream of beautiful park play dates, you don’t dream of how many leaves your 1 year old is going to inadvertently eat because you had the audacity to sit him on the ground for 10 minutes. You aren’t dreaming of the tension you feel between giving your 3 year old some space and freedom and not being a “hover” mom, while at the same time making sure he doesn’t bust his head open because he is convinced in his mind he totally can jump off the jungle gym at it’s highest point. Then when you finally decide to head home, you don’t understand the screaming that will ensue from both of your kids. The sheer volume they can both reach would impress you, if you could think a coherent thought with all the noise going on. 

When you arrive home, there’s more screaming because the 1 year old felt the car stop and the 3 year old realized that it is nap time. I would try to explain to you what it is like to change the poopy diaper of a one year old that has out of no where decided that he’s William Wallace and you are England. You may take his pants, but you’ll never take his FREEEEDDDOOOMMM!!! Childless Working Mariah, I can’t say for sure if it’s the laying still for 2 minutes, or if the feeling of a diaperless butt is just that good, but I can tell you that both of your kids decide this is the hill they will die on at every diaper change. 

Then Childless Working Mariah, I will try to tell you about your kids and sleep. It is a saga and it is not for the faint of heart. You have a standing Come to Jesus meeting scheduled for every day after they are in their beds. It’s not at a specific time, because your kids don’t do anything at a specific time. When I start explaining how much sleep I get a night, you won’t believe me. You will also judge me less for how I look right now. I know in your head right now, even the worst of what you read doesn’t seem all that bad, but let me assure you that you have never read anything like your kids. That’s partially because your kids are more strong willed than you’ve ever expected, and partially because you haven’t really read that much on kids and parenting. Sorry to burst your bubble on that one. 

Childless Working Mariah, I know this would be a lot to take in, and my objective would not be to scare you. I’m not trying to get you to be more grateful, or wait more years to have kids.I want to tell you something that if you will get it now, it will help you for the rest of your life.  All I want you to know is that the daydream is never the full story, but if you’ll train your eyes to look for it, reality can be even better than what you are dreaming.

I know what you are thinking. You’re over there all, “Does Hallmark know about you? Seriously, good line, but that can’t be true.” Girl, here is what I know: when I sat at that desk in the lobby of Zachry dreaming about being a stay at home mom, longing for sons of my own, I had no idea what I was getting myself into - and that’s a good thing. 

It’s a good thing because for every hard moment and phase that if I had known about them, would have made me run for the hills, there are a million other moments that the goodness and sheer bliss of them would have been completely lost on me until I held that little boy in my hands. I didn’t have a grid for hard until he came on the scene. And let me tell you - I didn’t have a grid for good until he came on the scene either. 

Now listen - I’m not saying that kids are the pinnacle of life or someone without kids is missing out or incapable of experiencing love or goodness. No, no, no to all that. I’m saying that with any dream, any desire growing in your heart, you never have the capacity to grasp it all before you are in it. So instead of falling in love with the image in your mind, spend your energy taking in what is in front of you. Train yourself to love the God of the moment you are in. Yes, sweetheart. I mean while you are sitting at that desk in the lobby of a job that you really don’t want to be in, start telling God how grateful you are. I know you don’t exactly mean it, but I also know you want to mean it so just go ahead and talk yourself in to it. I’ll give you a few lines to get you started:

“God, I’m so grateful for this lobby desk. I’m so insanely grateful that every time the door opens, I get blasted with cold air. Wow God, I’m so grateful for doing drug screens. There is just nothing like smelling urine first thing in the morning. God, I just am happy for answering these phones. Thank you so much. Thank you for this light and momentary trouble that’s achieving an eternal weight of glory. Thank you that I’m learning about Your heart through interacting with these people and getting paid for it. Thank you that everything I’m learning right now will help me with everything I want to do. Thank you that when I moved to Mt. Carmel from St. Louis I needed a job and you provided this door when every other avenue was closed before me.”

That’s just a few lines, but I think you get the idea. Childless Working Mariah, learn to love the God of the dream and then when the dream isn’t what you thought it would be, it’s not a disappointment. It’s another fun surprise in the grand journey you are on with your best friend. Girl, everything is going to be ok. Better than ok. If I told you everything, it would cause doubt in your heart because you don’t have the capacity for just how good it can really be. Just take my advice - don’t worry about the whole picture. Just keep looking at The One who sees the whole picture. And from that place, the picture looks better than you could ever imagine.

With love,

Stay at Home Mom Mariah