Quit Playing Dress Up With Your Calling: A Study on Sarah and Hagar
I've never felt more insecure, attacked and unsure about who I was then when I became a mother. You think the 9 months leading up to this person's birth would do something to prepare you for the journey ahead. You end up finding that all the reading, dreaming, talking, listening, and learning at best give you a bare bones outline of a very general plan. At worst it all becomes a list of things you tried that didn't work. A list that gets recited to you every time your baby cries a little too long in public, doesn't eat or sleep the recommended amount, or in general does something that some onlooker doesn't think is right. I went from feeling like I knew who I was and not afraid to walk in that, to feeling like I had no idea what I was doing, who I was, or how to walk in my calling as a mom. Anytime my son had an off day or didn't do something according to "the norm," I was talking to fellow mom friends to figure out what I was doing wrong.
At a particularly low point, I texted my husband and said, "I don't know why I ever wanted to be a mom I'm so terrible at it." He was quick to point out the lie I was believing thankfully. I found myself trying over and over to dress up my calling to look like someone else's: "This awesome mom does this so I have to; This organized mom does this so I should; This mom has kids who sleep all night so I should do this." What I found was heaping helpings of frustration for me and my kid. I took my pile of frustrations with a confusion and hurt topping to the Lord. I was taking from Godly woman so why was nothing working? Why did I spend 95% of my day frustrated and tired? None of the ladies I was looking at looked tired and fed up. And none of their kids were acting like mine.
On this particular night, I was at a breaking point. Something had to give. The Lord spoke so clearly to my storm-tossed heart and said: "Quit trying to find a Hagar to fulfill your calling." What He began to show me was that I was looking to someone else to fulfill something only I was called to. Was I giving another woman my baby and saying, "Here you mother him." No. But it was easier to look at how someone else was walking in their calling and try that instead of doing the hard thing and blaze the trail the Lord was calling me to. These amazing woman I was looking to could offer me wisdom and encouragement from experience but they could not give me the grace to walk in my calling as Zion's mom and Joey's wife.
Over the next few weeks, we will examine the life of Sarah. We will look at stressors that led her to walk in things she wasn't called to and tried to have another woman walk in what she was actually called to. We will also discover tools to take off the trappings of insecurity and own who we are and what we are called to!
At a particularly low point, I texted my husband and said, "I don't know why I ever wanted to be a mom I'm so terrible at it." He was quick to point out the lie I was believing thankfully. I found myself trying over and over to dress up my calling to look like someone else's: "This awesome mom does this so I have to; This organized mom does this so I should; This mom has kids who sleep all night so I should do this." What I found was heaping helpings of frustration for me and my kid. I took my pile of frustrations with a confusion and hurt topping to the Lord. I was taking from Godly woman so why was nothing working? Why did I spend 95% of my day frustrated and tired? None of the ladies I was looking at looked tired and fed up. And none of their kids were acting like mine.
On this particular night, I was at a breaking point. Something had to give. The Lord spoke so clearly to my storm-tossed heart and said: "Quit trying to find a Hagar to fulfill your calling." What He began to show me was that I was looking to someone else to fulfill something only I was called to. Was I giving another woman my baby and saying, "Here you mother him." No. But it was easier to look at how someone else was walking in their calling and try that instead of doing the hard thing and blaze the trail the Lord was calling me to. These amazing woman I was looking to could offer me wisdom and encouragement from experience but they could not give me the grace to walk in my calling as Zion's mom and Joey's wife.
Over the next few weeks, we will examine the life of Sarah. We will look at stressors that led her to walk in things she wasn't called to and tried to have another woman walk in what she was actually called to. We will also discover tools to take off the trappings of insecurity and own who we are and what we are called to!
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